It’s certainly been longer than I’d like since I’ve last posted. Sometimes I feel like life is passing by faster than I can keep up with. The days turn into weeks and the weeks into years and I wake up and I’m not sure how I got to where I am. There are certainly days when I wake up in the past. I’ll have a thought to visit or call someone, only to realize they’ve passed away or it’s someone from years ago that I no longer have a connection to. Maybe it’s just the way my brain works, but those days are hard because I feel like I missed something.
I’m always looking for and planning the next big adventure or project. I am a dreamer to a fault. I’m planning a trip to backpack the grand canyon, or ski the Rockies, or drive the entire California coast to see as much of the country as I can while I’m still able. I’m working two jobs to pay off my student loans, my car loan, and fund my travel habit so that I can have financial freedom by the time I’m 35. I’m planning to add a large party deck onto our house with a hot tub, a sauna, a fire pit and a bar to hang out with all of our friends. I want to buy a yacht, I want to own property on Beaver Island, Michigan, I want to build a bar in our basement, and I want more free time to play my guitar. I want to spend time with all of my family and friends every single day because life is short. My brain is moving a hundred miles an hour all day every day and it’s exhausting. I end up sleeping a lot because it’s an escape from all that I want/need to accomplish (and I work nightshift so that doesn’t help either). There is so much that I want to accomplish in this life that sometimes I don’t stop and just breathe. I think that’s why sometimes I feel like I’ve missed large spans of time or periods of my life. I know that I wear my fiancé out (as well as other family and friends) with all of my dreams, plans, and aspirations, but it’s just who I am. Even if I never do half of the things I want to in my life, I will not pass away someday with any regrets. So as ridiculous or far fetched as my dreams may seem to others, I am still going for them with all that I am. I’m such a dreamer that my head is always in the clouds instead of in the moment. I’m trying to focus more on one day at a time and not always the big picture. Learning to love the beauty of the moment is my greatest challenge in this life.
I recently read an article that spoke more to my soul and who I am than anything I’ve ever read in my entire life. If you’re curious who I am and what my soul is made of, read this article by Rania Naim. Her words are beautifully written and like she says at the end, I “will always believe in magic.”
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